RELATIONSHIPS, DATING AND JEANS PART2

Not many will argue against the fact that a sudden death is much more desirable than one brought on by attrition. I personally much prefer my brains being bashed by a piano free falling from the 113th storey of a sky scraper than being torn apart slowly on the rack.
However, sadly, the tale I am about to share with you, is one of attrition. it is one of constant annoyances that individually are quite manageable but it is the constancy that makes them unbearable. See, even a healthy relationship has its rainy days, but this, was Chinese water torture.

If you haven’t read part 1 of this story you should because that will explain some of my phobias that I’m going to bring up in a few lines. But so, I met this girl at school in an English class. I liked her poetry, I did think it was sometimes overly romantic and sentimental, but it was ok, besides she always had a smile on and seemed really nice, AND I simply found her attractive.
So we go out on a couple of dates and everything is great. Great conversation. and we both enjoy each other’s company. And then one night we go out drinking. I had my fingers crossed 67% of the whole time (33% of the time I was holding my drink) hoping that I wouldn’t witness another unveiling of an angel to expose the demon within. Every drink that she finished, I closed my eyes and opened them one by one like watching a scary movie, but no, she drank and laughed and kept acting normal (normal,of course, redefined to compensate for the drunkenness). Beautiful.

So ok, the drinking night went well too. At this point we’ve been dating for a couple of months and one night she kinda sits me down and asks me if it’s ok for her to call me her boyfriend now. I found it kinda odd, somewhat awkward. I’ve had girlfriends before but it just somehow happens usually, you don’t really fill out forms for being someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend. But hey that’s my experience, and if there is something I believe in is that you can judge people eventually, but you shouldn’t judge them before you know them well enough. So I said yes and we were pronounced man and girlfriend by the holy church of formalized relationships.
Now, one of the commandments of the aforementioned church is now that you are out of one box(dating) and into the next (relationship) (where is the out of the box thinking?) you should hang out more. Ok. She’s fun, and smart. We’ll hang out more.

One night we, and a bunch of her and my friends all go to this bar. We’re sitting around the table, all talking and mingling when I feel the weight of this stare on me, I look across the table and find her staring at me, with a shining smile and unblinking eyes, so I give her a little nod and smile back to acknowledge the eye contact, which is what people usually do in these situations to avoid being awkward since you are sitting too far away from each other to say anything so an eye contact lasting more than a couple of seconds does tend to be kinda awkward and lala landish, almost zombiesque. But to my surprise, she nods back but keeps staring and smiling with the same intensity, so I keep smiling back for what must have been 40 minutes or something and eventually dismayed by her seemingly frozen-in-time countenance I give a little awkward puff of a smile that sounded almost like a cough and turned away.

That was a little strange, but I let it go. However, the frequency of awkward incidences only increased. If time is a trellis, and me and her are each standing on one side of it, these little awkward situations were like vines creeping up the lattice work, and eventually I couldn’t even see her anymore. All I could see was the constant awkwardness wrapped around the time we spent together.

Another time I’m talking to my friend, at some bar again, and I really have to go pee, and all of a sudden she wraps her hands around me from behind me and rests her head on my shoulder. I mean that’s a nice gesture, very sweet no doubt, but if somebody puts a funnel in your mouth and pours a whole bucket of sugar in there, I bet you won’t ask for more, no matter how sweet.
So finally I come out and tell her, she listens and nods and smiles and says that she understands and that I’m doing a good job of communicating with her (Where are you dr phil). But from then on it was down hill and the relationship slowly faded away, or got lost in the vines, in about a month or so. I WAS really bummed out though, I mean there were so many things that I really liked about her but it was just the over-sweet awkwardness that took a shit in it all. I sulked for a while indeed.

You know this is sorta like you go to the store and you see these pair of jeans that are exactly what you’re looking for. You go try them on and they feel fine. Besides you really need a pair of jeans since your last pair got ripped in the behind, and you don’t have the passion for long extensive shopping sessions. So you buy them. you come out and wear them for a couple of days and whoops, there right on the waist there is this little tag that really irritates your skin. You put up with it for a while, but it’s too annoying so you get a pair of scissors and cut it. But then what’s left over from it is even more annoying.

So you finally give up…take the jeans off and put them on the shelf and bow before you turn your back like a samurai that has lost a challenge, and go in the other room for some quality seppuku.

To be continued.